The third look at asexual marriage
Kundera said that sex is not just a physical desire, but from another level, it is also a desire related to each section.
The attachment we have, we love our partner, become our mirror, on which we realize the image and our value.
The era of asexuality is approaching. Professor Pan Suiming of the Institute of Sexual Sociology of Renmin University of China has gradually 36 professors. It took a year to conduct a nationwide random sampling survey.
In 60 places in urban and rural areas of the country, the sexual life of 3824 men and women between 20 and 64 years of age was understood, and it was found that among married men and women, more than 1 in every month did not even live a single life.4 (28.
7%); in the past year, 6.
Marriage and sex are inseparable things, but why are there so many people who insist on asexual marriage.
Professor Pan Suiming believes that there can be two reasons for the lack of love and sexual ignorance in marriage.
If a person feels that the partner is very considerate to himself, then there is a lot of sexual life between them, the lower the degree of thoughtfulness, the less the sexual life.
The records of Professor Zhu Jiaming, executive director of the Chinese Sexual Society, vice chairman of the Sexual Medicine Professional Committee, and vice chairman of the Guangdong Sexual Society, also show that the proportion of men with sexual dysfunction far exceeds that of women.
Inquiring about “asexuality” at the root of “asexual marriage” is not necessarily related to “physical enjoyment”.
Professor Zhu Jiaming, an expert on sexual medicine, said that suppressing the body’s natural sexual needs can lead to psychological imbalances in the head, weird personality, and even neurosis.
In severe cases, disorders of other body functions may also occur, affecting physical health.
Studies have found that many asexual marriages are caused by psychological reasons.
The study of the art and knowledge without love is that sex is the complete, thorough communication of love, and the union of soul and body.
If there is no love, or although there is love, but the art of lack of love, you cannot achieve perfect sex.
Psychologist Frome is author of “The Art of Love”. He solemnly pointed out that many people in today’s western society focus on love as the product of sexual gratification, and treat love contradictions as ideas of companionship and prevention of loneliness.These are the two “normal” forms of love decline in Western society, and are the pathology of love determined and caused by society.
There are many personalized forms of this disease, and the outcome is conscious suffering.
He proposed that love is an art and requires people to have the knowledge and work for it.
The art of love includes both theoretical and practical aspects.
Love is caring, responsibility, respect and understanding. Only when you fully understand each other, mutual concern between each other, respect and responsibility to the family can produce love, and only on the basis of loveSexual occurrence.
In the education of adolescents, because there is a lot of book knowledge in school education and too little knowledge in social practice, such as interpersonal communication and interaction, future marriage and family life processing methods and practices, the schools in which this curriculum isIt is zero in education.
Many people learn about the art of getting along with gender relations, even ranking jokes on websites, non-distance books, or passing on parental experience, casual chat and persuasion between colleagues.
There is such a course in high school education in the United States. One male and one female two students are dressed as parents and let them experience part of the process of raising children. For example, let them bring a rag doll home, experience feeding the child, and giving the child.Bathing and other processes. When these young “parents” experienced this process, they all had a new understanding of future marriage.
Such courses are actually training children’s sense of responsibility.
The theory of attachment style of love relationship believes that the attachment relationship established by individuals during their infancy causes individuals to form a durable and stable personality trait, which naturally reveals to individuals when they establish intimate relationships with the opposite sex.
They thought that the form of interpersonal intimacy as a child may have a causal relationship to the subsequent form of love interaction.
Grinding from this, love has become a professional scientific knowledge.
Scientists and psychologists have entered the forefront of studying love, and these research results will continue to serve humanity in the future.
In an asexual marriage without the ability to love, one of the spouses is a mentally ill person or a person with a personality disorder, and one of the spouses has only a naive and immature personality.
When people with immature personality enter the marriage, they will feel unable to deal with many issues of responsibility and the art of getting along with both sexes.
Some people are patients with personality disorders. They usually have a oriented narcissistic mentality and cannot understand the feelings of others. Their spouses are often unable to get along with them. When they are in love or newly married, they are usually warm.People with personality disorders are asking for, not giving, they usually do n’t consider each other ‘s feelings. In this kind of sexual life, the normal party usually feels that sexual life is a kind of “sex”, not a kind ofThe interaction and communication between the sexes, over time, the normal party will be disgusted by this pure physical communication, and sexual indifference will appear.
Some spouses have a naive personality, usually do not pay attention to the feelings of each other in life, and are more self-centered in personality.
As a result, the other party’s psychological grievances are expressed, and their interest in sexual life is lost.
Therefore, when choosing a spouse, focus on checking the other’s mental health and personality maturity, and you will be able to foresee the “sex blessing” of future marriage.
Of course, if you find that your personality is immature, it is necessary to pay attention to study, exercise or consult a psychologist in your life.
Only with excellent personality can we have a sound marriage and harmonious sex life.
The psychological trauma of childhood was found during the psychological treatment of a cold woman. She was a lively and happy girl in her childhood, but when she was 9 years old, a boy played in her home.While her parents were away, she reached into her pussy and stroked her.
She didn’t know what was going on at the time, but as she grew older, she began to feel ashamed, and she couldn’t forget about it.
After she got married, she and her husband once had sexual harmony and happiness at the beginning, but she gradually found out that her attitude towards sex was rejected, and she had no genuine interest in sex.
Gradually, she became sexually indifferent.
One woman has been cold for many years. She later admitted that she had been raped during her childhood. Therefore, she was ashamed of her sexuality. She could not realize happiness from sexual life, and because of her early rape,She was ashamed of herself, so she never had the courage to tell her husband about such things.
Therefore, avoidance of sex is used as a way to solve inner pain.
When the childhood psychological wounds caused psychological scars on one side, the poor sex life at this time seemed to worsen the injured side.
When they get married, they are usually able to coerce themselves in the face of public opinion and pressure. However, after the marriage life is stable, they will feel the pressure of the heart even more.
Such people need treatment from a psychologist.
Lack of communication and understanding. In psychological counseling to many women, we found that they targeted abortion, pregnancy, and child-bearing situations that endangered their lives. Because they did not understand their husbands, they complained about their husbands and developedTo sex cold.
Some women have always been dissatisfied with incidents such as the husband not giving a wedding photo and the ceremonial distance when they were married. They have complained for many years, and their robes have developed into apathy.
And the common feeling of many women in such life events is that he has given his life to him, but he only controls his feelings in the sex life, but he does not have a feeling of loving her from the heart., Of course, he was reluctant to pay for sex.
In addition, many women are not accompanied by their husbands during abortion and abortion. They have not even called a phone or bought nutritional products. They feel that they have to bear it alone when they are in pain.Family feeling, this feeling is actually a kind of sexual psychological wound. Such a wound makes them stagnate in sexuality. When they think of the painful scene of abortion, they feel a sting in their hearts.
This sting makes them unable to experience the joy of sex.
Many men reject their wives when they are lost, suffering, and unsatisfactory in their careers. Instead of supporting and comforting them, they laugh at them like outsiders. They are even worse than outsiders. In such complaints, they gradually develop impotence.
Some couples do not reach a consensus on the education of their children, and often quarrel with each other in order to educate their children, which leads to discord between husband and wife.
Other husbands and wives are living together with the elderly. The friction between the two generations has caused the husband and wife to become suspicious and lose their sexual lives.
In general, it is an important method for couples to reach consensus on handling major events in family life and to strengthen communication and understanding.
Economic and social pressures The loss of sexual life due to economic difficulties in families or economic pressures is an important factor in this era of competition.
Because family members are aware of material life, or to create a good learning opportunity for their children, parents put all their productivity on the pursuit of economics, and the opportunities for family members to reduce phase are reduced, thus theFeelings gradually become indifferent, and boots lead to sexual indifference.
Including the following situations: 1.
Poverty in economic conditions, or economic pressure.
The husband and wife do not have enough strength to enjoy sex in the mood.
There have been major changes in the living and working environment of one party, leading to major differences in the social and economic parts of the two parties.
One of the husband and wife is forced by economic pressure to go abroad to work or work abroad, or to travel frequently because of busy work, resulting in insufficient time for the husband and wife to communicate.
The impact of economic pressure on sexual life in marriage is a major factor in this era, and how family members adjust is an important change. How can the emotional and sexual harmony be maintained in an age of economic stress? Only by family membersMore communication and exchanges will be needed to reach a consensus in order to solve the problem.
The pursuit of sex and emotional life transcends one party because of too much professionalism, or too strong pursuit of economics and rights, thus ignoring the feelings of the other party, insufficient understanding before marriage, and insufficient emotional communication after marriage, causing sexual discord.The root cause.
Misleading epidemic perspectives on love and sexuality. Some popular perspectives in society have an effect on one of the couples. For example, a husband read an article on the Internet saying that increasing sexual intercourse skills and posture can improve the life of couples.He returned home and took photos of his wife in the same way as he did on the yellow videotape, but was rejected and disgusted by his wife. From then on, the couple developed a gulf and finally entered into a sexless marriage.
Popular opinions do exist nowadays, especially the introduction of a wide variety of sexual skills on the Internet, which is attractive to some people, and robes undermine the quality of family life.
The impact of the conflict of the era culture also has the particularity of the age about asexual marriage. New cultural ideas, such as the Western antiquated, outdated views are spread, and the remnants of the old feudal system in the minds of people are lingering.People’s psychological feelings are very contradictory, reflected on sexual issues, both eliminating and controlling desire in the feudal remnant system, and replacing the outdated Western hegemonist view of the body, and also replaced the idea of material exchange in the economic ageMakes people confused about the understanding of sex, contradictions and ignorance, sex is insulted as a pure and perfect way of pure, sacred, beautiful human spirit and physical communication, and at this time, people’s spiritChaos and chaos are also suspected.
Asexual marriage is a serious problem in marital life. We can only solve this problem by confronting it instead of avoiding it.
Only the joint efforts of the people, the media of cultural communication, scientific researchers, psychologists, and social managers can make couples in asexual marriages truly happy.